INFJs are, by definition, rare, reserved, and unlikely to initiate anything, which means that many of them can end up alone and misunderstood. To help with things, I’ve compiled a list of points which I think would be of great use to anyone considering dating someone who identifies as an INFJ.
“INFJs are all about deeds, not words. Don’t fuck up anything when you are granted a stage by an INFJ. It may take a long time before they give you that stage. Remember that they are intently testing you at that point. Talk all you want after that audition, providing you pass the test. The conversation will be most pleasant forever after… until you fuck up.
Eight years of marriage to a textbook INFJ has taught me the power of truth. I have seen what happens to people who deceive an INFJ. They are dropped like a hot pan.”
“I do think that’s one of the main features of the INFJ type, vital even: a strong sense of right and wrong; they can’t tolerate wrongdoings of any kind. But at the same time, I’ve observed that INFJ’s attitude over their sense of morals comes in two variants; Jesus-like ones that say “turn the other cheek”, and the badass Kenshin ones that punish wrongdoers.”
“I have an INFJ friend, who is someone I would never EVER want to piss off, I’ve seen him angry only once in my life, and he goes all out then, lashing out to the point that it’s fearsome and it takes nearly an hour for him to cool down… it would start with him just suddenly becoming quiet and very isolated and then bam!
If ever in a war, that dude is on my side as a general!”
“We go through great efforts to keep everything civil, friendly, and harmonious, and we even allow people a certain amount of “buffer space”. But once you’ve overstepped that boundary or pushed things too far, then BAM! Tactical. Nuclear. Strike.”
“When someone gets the better of us, and they do so in a way that is not admirable, they become mortal enemies that must be vexed immediately.”
“I agree with the above. I will take a lot of abuse now, but once I am pushed to a point and feel I have nothing to lose or protect, well, you are pretty much dead meat. I will sit on every piece of ammunition I have and let the offender do their best, and then in the end, I let it all loose.
If you get on their good side, you have made a wonderful ally for life, and most likely they will use their arsenal to protect you.”
“I’m an INFJ, and I sometimes mentally play out what I’d like to say to someone I’m angry with, but I have never (and would never) take physical vengeance on anyone. I’m incredibly patient, but do eventually have a point where I will calmly tell someone what they have done to upset me and whether or not I will be able to get past it. If it’s something I can’t get past, that’s pretty much the end of things with that person.”
On holding back:
“My tendency to hold back IS who I am, and I am okay with that. I embrace that.
Because I am here and my friends know it. I am at my maximum potential when I am taking care of my family, yes, but I have many close friendships I nurture on a regular (every few weeks) basis, and they are almost as important to me.”
“INFJs take time to open up. They are slow burners. I find I can’t really get to know them until after many prolonged conversations. But after you enter their realm of trust they are the sweetest, most genuine people.”
“If I pursued a lot of meaningless sexual relationships, I can guarantee you I would be miserable in the end. It’s not in my nature. I am 100% aware that I’m someone who has to have a certain level of emotional bonding and trust to have sex with someone, and while I’ve had friends give me a hard time for it in the past, I accept this about myself. I can’t turn that off, and I know it. So, instead of living in denial, trying to be “the tough chick who can have sex like a man,” I hold out for someone who actually values my true nature. If I didn’t do that, I’d only be hurting myself over and over again. Denying your true nature in an effort to be “fashionable” or “modern” or “independent,” in my opinion, really comes back to bite you in the ass.”
“I can’t see the appeal of casual sex, for me I have to be in a relationship with someone before I’d consider sex with them. Sexual intimacy is much more valued and emotional to me and I do not want to waste that on people I don’t know or do not have a special bond with.”
“I take care of and very much value my body. If I’ve just met that person, I feel really uncomfortable with the idea of a stranger touching me the same way as someone who respects and loves me. I don’t judge others for what they do with their bodies, but I know what feels right and what doesn’t feel right for me.”
“Can’t do casual. Must be committed. Feel safe.”
On Feeling Different:
“I have always felt extremely different from others. I know when people are sick, even sometimes right down to what is bothering them. I am automatically drawn to people in pain and instinctively help people through hard times with out even knowing I am doing it.”
“INFJs are more “for the cause”, not free-love.”
“INFJs look scary love-wise.”
Other Useful Quotes:
“If I go to a party, I find that I do latch on to one or two people I feel comfortable with or click with, and try to have a meaningful conversation with them of some sort. I CAN mingle well, but I prefer not too as it’s draining for me. I am not an extrovert so I know I will not be the life of the party, but I do not expect myself to be, beyond making a bold entrance, which I kinda like to do. I like the excitement of hanging back and wondering who will give me the vibe, or who’s energy I’ll pick up on, and if that will be a surprising find, as in someone I wouldn’t ordinarily talk to.”
“I can listen a person’s mouth off.”
“INFJs are attracted to martyrdom like a moth to a flame.”
Let them come who wish to come, And let them go who wish to go, And do not harm to me or mine. -Ancient Icelandic Invitation Formula for the Elven Folk
Prince of Brats